tucked tight within them. 

We all hold close our coats of normal,

our means of putting that one foot

in front of the other, that one day

after this one day.

You turn the corner and I feel you before

I see you and as we greet I’m aware

of your casual assessment

of my sanity this day.

Inside your space I love the large windows

looking out to the trees, a shelter from it all.

I look to them first and the green feels like home

although I am far from it.

Here I can feel the edges round out,

my words landing soft.

Make no mistake, my mind still stumbles

but the pillows and the black chairs

keep it from running and

dragging the thick mud

coating its thirst for control.

Mocha walls and muted light,

a cave you have created.

Your talent beyond the molecular psyche.

Even the fountain I questioned

with its bubbling light, hums a velvety line,

“You are safe with me, within these walls.”

It is here I will let go of all that is in.

The whole of the knot, twisted and tight.

It is here, from the beginning

I will rip a piece, small yet significant,

and hand it broken to you.

This piece and the next piece I give

and you take.  Gentle in your hands

you see what I don’t, you hear what I can’t.

Together we sift and we weed,

with your craft and my need,

through what I have brought you,

the unraveled history called my story.

SPMc

5/2010

Keep in mind that it will take some time for this new habit to become established into your routine. However, the process of breaking a bad habit is so much quicker and easier if the focus is on your intention -  an exciting new habit – not just on breaking that old bad habit.

Give yourself time and space to practice. Allow for mistakes, and forgetting. This is all an expected part of your transition. It’s normal to feel tension in the process of creating a new routine. Each and every time you act on your new habit, it grows stronger.

You can do it. Don’t give up! 

You must repeat your new conscious thought or action again and again.  Too often, a person begins to change a habit, but then goes back to the same old unwanted feeling or action. That rut begins to re-form. To change the habit now feels like starting over.

This is why old habits are so hard to break. But you can do it!  It will take time.  Each time you resist that old habit, you are making progress.

I hear the cat chewing his food

I see the green leaves of the ficus tree

I taste my lemon tea

I smell the air through the open windows

I feel the cushion of the sofa beneath me

Repeat this process with new sensations, using only four senses. Then repeat again, using only three. Finally, you are left with only one sense to focus on.

The act of attending completely to the senses of your body brings you out of your head and back into your body. This is the antidote to an anxious brain. It grounds you in the moment. Instead of time traveling, you slow down time.

Perhaps as you sit in front of your computer, you can imagine that you see me. Perhaps you’re even doing what I call time traveling, imagining you’re somewhere else.  You might be lamenting a past digression or planning for a future mishap. Not one of these activities involves being grounded in the here and now.

What would you say to being here and now?  You start by tuning into the sensations around you. For example, if you’re at a swimming pool, being grounded means smelling the damp chlorinated water,  feeling the harsh concrete, catching the wavering neon lights reflected on the swirling water, and hearing the echoing voices of earnest participants.

Is it hard for you to stay grounded in the present moment? What price do you pay? When finished, where do you return? When do you say, “I’m back”?

I hope you will accept my challenge to live right here in this present moment. Can you do it?  If not for me, then for you.

I attempt to distract myself with thoughts of family, work, and to do lists.  Nothing works. I find myself mentally rehearsing the exit plan for locating to another hobby club. This settles me, and I continue thinking of the details of my action plan until the crunch of gravel announces I have arrived at my destination. I focus on my tasks and goals, the reason I am here. I ask myself: how is it that a hobby has turned into an unpleasant affair?

I reach my usual spot and become aware once again of the pull of energy. There are whispers in the corners, gossip and tension. I can’t put my finger on what’s going on. Will I be forced to take sides? Neither side seems right in this conflict.  I feel the unspoken messages in the silences between the words. I don’t want to be part of this. The energy hooks you in, enticing and seducing you to feed it; it grows and spreads. That’s the way with drama.

When I encounter drama in my life, I work to practice good healthy habits, distancing myself so I don’t catch this viral contagion. 

Silent
Stable
Peaceful
Inclusive
Calm
Joyful
Easy
Friendly
Nonjudgmental
Balanced
Restful
Fluid
Unaffected
Undisturbed
Appropriate
Respectful of Boundaries
Enduring
Empowering
Positive

The skill of happiness depends on being optimistic – and that can require hard work. In order to have optimism, a person has to change her thinking. Such change takes practice.

A professional basketball player has many special skills, such as the ability to jump high. With one split-second astronomical jump, the pro ball player can score and win the game. Most likely he or she was born with an athletic gift, but this was developed through practice. In fact, if you or I were to practice our more ordinary style of jumping, we too would improve, at our own rate.

Improvements in life are made through practice.

Just as you may or may not have the pro ball player’s natural gift of jumping high, you may or may not have the natural tendency to “look on the bright side.” If it’s your gift, practice it. If it isn’t your gift, through practice you too will gain in optimism.

Isn’t it worth it, to concentrate your efforts on positive thoughts? You won’t have to wait for some dollar amount or event or personal achievement. You’ll be creating happiness here and now.

In contrast, when you got into a car that was well maintained and tidy, with supple, conditioned seats and a fresh, clean scent, you felt quite differently. There was a certain sense about the car and what you could do in it.  Did you carelessly drop anything on the floor? Or did you take the time to look for a place for your Kleenex or gum wrapper? Perhaps you even held it in your hand until you could find a trash can.

In each car, you picked up on an underlying message. You made an assumption of value regarding your surroundings.  When the car was well taken care of, the message of worth reached you loud and clear. It made you want to keep the car looking good. 

Which message are you sending about yourself?