I’m sitting here at lunch by myself with menus scattered around me like gin cards – but instead I’m playing solitaire. My lunch companion does not appear. I feel the rising tide of anger and stop it before it reaches my face, circumventing it to my head. I’m so angry! Wait: why am I so angry? It’s a nice day, I so seldom take time to eat away from my office, and the food is really good.
The waiter has eyes that jump to the side, and a smile that doesn’t reach beyond his teeth. Does he feel embarrassed for me? I’m not embarrassed, I’m too busy fighting the angry tide. I push it aside. My salad of blue cheese, walnut, and pear is tasty. I note the fact there weren’t many vegan items to select – only this salad. I don’t like eating here, I decide. In fact, I don’t really want to be here at all. And I wouldn’t be – if I wasn’t doing this for Lorraine.
It was Lorrine’s idea and she isn’t even here, I think. Couldn’t she have called me ahead? Perhaps, I shouldn’t be doing something I’m not interested in. The idea was good – but it hasn’t worked up to now. If only I had said no! From now on, I tell myself, I’m going to follow my instincts. I will listen to what I want.
Doing for others is a trap. I think I’m heading into the sunshine, then find myself in the darkness. That first ray of sun lures me with promises, but leads down a tunnel with a trap door spider lying in wait.
In all, it’s been a lunch well spent, because I’ve worked through my anger, found out what I was really angry about. I’ve made a choice that will lead me into the sunlight.
