Invariably the topic of self esteem comes up when working with women. Many report, “I have low self esteem,” in a flat tone as if reciting the facts of fruit fly reproduction. Just this way, a client recently stated this “fact.”
I responded by saying, “You tell me you don’t have it. I wonder if you can tell me when you do have it. What will it feel like? How will you know you have it? What exactly is self-esteem?” These were questions she had never before considered.
Self esteem is not all that complicated. It is merely the idea you have of yourself. How is this idea formed? Early experiences and life circumstances shape this view. After a while, a person develops a way of looking at life and her place in it. You may begin to see yourself as someone without success. Many of us start out with high self esteem and somehow lose it along the way.
We need to work to retain self-esteem. We need to embrace our sisters, daughters and mothers, helping them speak well of themselves. We need to remember our own successes and reframe negative experiences as learning moments.
One way to increase self-esteem is simply to engage in self-care. We are wired to value the things we take care of. The reverse is also true – we take care of what we value. This is why it’s good to ask ourselves from time to time, Why am I not taking care of myself?
We as women can make it a point to experience self-esteem. We can appreciate the difference it makes, rather than just talk about not having it.
